The Ex-wife Whisperer

This entry was written on Sep 02, 2009 by our Dad Guru John Valadez

I write another blog about being a Single Parent, which I am. I have my girls with me full-time, but my ex-wife has custody privileges. I allow her have our children over the weekend, even though her custody privileges are to see them for six hours every other Saturday. The custody is laid out for the benefit of our children. My ex-wife has improved herself, her situation and her attitude to a point where I am beginning to trust her again after many years of hardship and turmoil. You can read all about my journey at - http://singleparentplus2.com – if you like. The story is quite interesting. There are times when her temper flairs up and she starts demanding things again; and I see the “old” ex-wife that would get what she wanted all the time.

How do you handle such flair up?
That’s why were divorced and have a court certified divorce decree. That piece of paper has gotten me out of many a peculiar situation. Besides, it’s just plain leverage with a capital “L”. When the “fair up” occurs I simply and very calmly remind her of the agreement and all the details.
She doesn’t like it.
I don’t like doing it.
Who wants to be reminded about something we already know to be true. I usually get the same response regarding the bad judge or my big, mean, veracious lawyer. I enjoy the remarks about my lawyer – he does too. He uses me a success story for his new and current clients. How does a man getting full custody of his two young girls? How is that not a motivating story for every single dad in America?
I don’t have to argue or criticize or condemn or complain. I just remind her we could back to the way it is outlined in the divorce and she stops immediately. It’s like I’m the ex-wife whisperer. Cesar Milan - move over. My advice for all single Dads is the same. Stick to the divorce decree. Stick to the divorce decree. Stick to the divorce decree.

How much?

For child support, stick with the average for your area. Ask the custodial parents you know what they receive and what their ex’s gross wages are. A good guideline is 13% of her gross wages for the first child and 3% of her gross each for every other child.
Courts may be unfair to custodial fathers, so do the calculations and let the judge know you know what the figures are.

Not all marriages end up in court

This entry was written on Jun 03, 2009 by our Dad Guru John Valadez

Before moving forward with a divorce considers all of your options. It is much easier to fix a damaged relationship than a broken one. Consider talking over your disagreements on a weekend getaway or time alone – without the children around. If you have moved forward with divorce, remember that you can always call it off or speak with your wife without the lawyers present. There was a time when you could speak with your wife without a lawyer present. Going through a divorce is not only financially crippling; divorce severely affects your children as well.

The best defense is good offense. If you are reading this blog contemplating having children, or even getting married, consider the following study by divorcereform.org.
According to divorcereform.org background characteristics of people entering a marriage have major implications for their risk of divorce. Here are some percentage point decreases in the risk of divorce or separation during the first ten years of marriage, according to various personal and social factors:
Link to table
Are your chances for divorce higher or lower as a result of the study? Not all marriages end in divorce. Even though the national divorce rate is notorious for being fifty percent; the rate has been steadily going down since it peaked in the early eighties. Take the time to consider your options and try to seek a resolution to your marital conflict before taking the big step towards divorce.
Please leave a comment if this post was helpful – good or bad. Thank you for your time.

Statute of Limitations

Generally there is no statute of limitations on paternity. Most courts hold that once acknowledged, paternity exists and exists forever. However, there are some changes coming. By some estimates,about one third of today’s children are fathered by a man other than the husband of the mother. Some courts are allowing men to disallow paternity by showing via genetic testing that they are not the father. The rule seems to be that if the father has objected before the child is 2 years old, the objection is valid.

How much?

Generally speaking you should pay 13% of your gross wages for the first child and 3% of your gross each for every other child.
Obviously, this varies a lot between jurisdictions.