Getting Hit by a Slider

This entry was written on Oct 09, 2009 by our Dad Guru John Valadez

I learned a lot of lessons in little league. One of them was when you get hit by a pitch you have to “walk it off.” Being hit by a pitch really didn’t hurt, too much; it was the shock of the ball hitting you that distressed a batter. I’m sure in the majors it hurts, but the majority of grown men will never see a hundred mile an hour fastball, or get hit by one. The closest an average guy will get, to being hit by a pitch, is in a relationship. I’ve been hit many times by fast balls, sliders that should have been low and away, but came in one me, and “locked up” by some off speed question that came in too close and caught me on the hands. After getting hit, each time I just took my base and walked it off.

That’s the thing baseball and relationships have in common – stepping up to the plate. You can’t get on base if you don’t take the risk of getting hit by a pitch.
Thankfully, I’m much better at relationships than I was at hitting. Yesterday, though, I was hit by slider. I saw the question leave her hands, it looked like a fastball – I’m a fastball hitter – I relaxed and then the question began coming in on me, I tried to get out of the way but the pitch was just too fast. That’s the thing about sliders, you never know where they’re going to end up and you always look foolish swinging at one. This slider was coming in on me and I’m sure it should’ve been low and away, but it wasn’t, so I just wanted to get out of the way. As the question broke the plane of the batter’s box it hit me on the right shin – I’m left-handed.
Being hit on the shin is tough to walk off and you always look ridiculous doing it.
Major Leaguers look like speed walkers limping. After being hit their hands and elbows are tucked close to their chest and they limp around with a grimace on their face. The difference between baseball and relationships is I still had to answer a question, instead of limping to first base so a designated runner can run the bases for me.
After the initial shock of being hit wore off, I handled the question skillfully and with sensitivity. I still don’t remember everything I said, which is both good and bad I guess. In the end, a successful at-bat, I took my base, and walked it off.
Have a great weekend and God Bless.

Keep the kids out of the fight

Divorce is a messy battleground where children are the innocent victims. It is extremely important to keep the children out of the action. They will take the blame on personally for the breakup of the family and will feel that the arguments centre around them and their actions. Try to keep as much of the arguing / discussing away from the kids. Obviously they will sense and know that things are not right. But, they should not be in the centre of the problem.

Knowing When to Begin Dating Again

This entry was written on Sep 14, 2009 by our Dad Guru John Valadez

It has been two years, ten months and eight days since my ex-wife and I separated and ended our marriage. In my newly found freedom I began dating two months after our separation. I maintained two relationships for less than two months during the first year; and I haven’t dated anyone in the last one year, ten months and eight days – until now. I joined one of those online dating sites – eHarmony – to try out dating in the new millennium. The entire process is relatively easy, safe and fun. In the beginning the software was sending me fifteen potential matches per day, so I had to re-enter some parameters to narrow the searches down and weed out some potential mates.

The experience has been relaxing and in the first two weeks I found someone I completed the entire guided communication with; we are meeting for the first time this coming Saturday. We’ve been talking on the phone for a week and she seems every bit like her profile and the person that peak my interest during the guided communication process. How did I know when it was time to begin searching for my potential soul mate again?
I just knew. In the almost three years I’ve separated and divorced I never really felt comfortable dating or looking for a date until a month ago. I wasn’t really very interested in finding my special someone; I was too busy trying to obtain full custody of my girls and realize my true purpose in life. Since this past July I have accomplished both quests. I now feel balance in my life and with my new found balance there was only one part missing. I wanted to have someone to share my happiness with and rejoice together. I just knew I was ready again; ready to put myself out there and give dating another try.
For those of you going through life as a single parent my only advice is to regain control of your life first; relearn who you are and why you are here; get divorced and straighten out the custody schedule and agreement; begin rebuilding a healthy co-parenting relationship with your ex; most importantly, forgive your ex-partner and close that chapter in your life; and then start over in your quest for a soul mate. This person I’m meeting on Saturday may or may not be the person I begin my ascension into the remaining portion of my life with, but I’m searching and putting myself in a position to find my special someone. You can as well.

Have a great day and God Bless.

New homes

To ease the pain of separation or divorce on children, both parents should ensure that their homes retain enough of the familiar things that the kids recognise as home. The child is looking for comfort in a time of great uncertainty. Give them a familiar environment to feel immediately comfortable in.

Choosing to Create a Family Out of a Divorce

This entry was written on Sep 12, 2009 by our Dad Guru John Valadez

Life is full of choices. Where have we heard that quote before? The reason this particular quote is so well-known is because it’s true – very true. We are defined by the choices we make on a daily basis. Actually, our lives are shaped by our choices. We can choose to have children or not have children; we can choose to take a shower every day or not bathe; we can choose to be a participant in our immediate families or just ignore them. We make choices, choices and more choices all thee time; we have an opportunity to choose our life each day. What a great way to live. The opportunity we have to be a participant in our immediate family effects our children exponentially. Since I’m a single parent I feel my children need their aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents more than most children.

It’s true, at times children express the effects of divorce – it’s evident - and sometimes the effects are hidden.
The more family children of divorce have around them I personally believe the more comfortable they feel; their self-confidence is assisted tremendously. An ideal divorce world would be to have both parents in their lives; with mom and dad maintaining a healthy relationship and plenty of family support for the children – on both sides. Having this scenario is possible for every divorced couple. How is this possible? Simply put, all we have to do is make a choice and it will be so. It’s really that simple. We forgive people every day; why not forgive an ex-wife or ex-husband? Make a choice for your children that will affect them the rest of their lives – and yours.
As long as your ex is not abusive – mentally or physically – choose to put forth the effort of extending forgiveness. You can be the “bigger” person and your children will grow up with both parents, a large extended family and learn what it means to make the “right choices” for themselves. Choose to be a parent of courage and a giver of forgiveness. Your children’s happiness is at stake.
Have a great day and God Bless.

Handling divorce

Divorce is hard for kids to cope with. Let them know that they are not to blame in any way. Allow them their space and time to deal with what has happened and listen to them. They have their view and their right to that view.

Take the kids for a walk in the woods

This entry was written on May 19, 2009 by our Dad Guru John Valadez

Its spring and that means outdoor activities are back with all their glory. There are many things to do with the kiddies outside and my all-time favorite is going for walks. Socializing while going for a walk in the woods is a great way to spend quality time with your children.

A wilderness trek is not complete without a little knowledge being passed from one generation to another so I suggest a navigation tip I learned when I was young. Just bring along a white piece of chalk before heading into the great beyond.
As you enter the woods begin marking tree bark with your piece of chalk and, of course, our inquisitive kids are going to begin asking questions. The first time I did this I explained to them, “We are marking the trees so we can find our way back to where we started”, they laughed and giggled. When we got deep enough to turn around I asked my oldest daughter to lead the way. She was confused. I then persisted by explaining to her that she only needed to follow the chalk marks and she light up with anticipation. It was a little game of “who can find the markings first” and they loved it. When we exited my oldest was overwhelmed with accomplishment. We all had a great time.
Now when we go for hikes in the woods we take turns marking trees, navigating in and navigating out of the woods. Give it a try and see how it works. Thanks for your time and please leave a comment.

Spend Time, Not Money

Your children need you - not your money. Spend time with your kids doing the things you would normally do. A day spent doing the body work on an old truck is usually a better idea than a day spent chasing a good time. The good time is fine, but only as a treat. Doing the normal things of life with your children is what they will remember in years to come.

Getting the Kids to School

Trying to get the kids to school every day when you have to get to work as well can be very inconvenient. How tolerant is your boss because you are late every single day? If the school and work are in opposite directions from home, how much time do you waste in getting them there? Are the kids dropped off earlier and just hanging around until school starts? One solution to all of this is to arrange a network of parents in your neighborhood to take it in turns to take the kids to school. For instance, it could be your turn a couple of times each week to take not only your kids but also a couple more of the neighbors kids with you. With only two neighbors joining you, you can cut down on your morning school run to no more then two mornings a week.

Making Shopping Easier

If you are the sole carer of your children, finding time and opportunities to shop for food may seem impossible. If you take the kids with you, the task can become even more difficult with keeping the kids under control as well as buying groceries. Also, it’s hard to make kids understand that you have a limited budget and can’t buy everything in the store. Try other alternatives, such as buying over the internet with delivery to your door). Some stores will allow you to order over the telephone and will also deliver to your door.

Respect Your Child´s Mother

Never say anything against your child’s mother. If you have nothing nice to say about her, say nothing at all. She is, and always will be, your child’s mother. Treat her with respect and decency. Spend the time with your children, not re-living the issues between you and their mother.

Single Dads are Parents, Too

Do you feel alone as a single parent? Do you feel that you have nothing in common with other parents who’s partners are still around or still alive? You don’t need to take an "us and them" attitude to married fathers and mothers. Most parents have the same goal: to raise their kids as best as they can. If this is your goal too, you have a lot in common with other parents regardless of their marital status. Network with them, get to know them, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

Bring a Witness to Visitation

When your children’s mother won’t allow visitation, you must take careful action. Visitation interference is child abuse: Treat it as such. Take a witness with you as you make attempts to visit your child(ren). The best witness is a paralegal who is not directly involved in your visitation case. The next best witness is a police officer; if possible, an on-duty officer.

School Records Access

We all want to know how our children are doing in school. Non-custodial fathers have a special problem in this regard as they are not listed as the child’s guardian. In most jurisdictions, you have the right to request all school records. Phone your child’s school and ask about this. Once you have the records, talk to your child’s teachers. Now, you’ll know how your child is doing.