Singlehood Tips

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How do I help my children get through my divorce?

Keep the kids out of the fight

Divorce is a messy battleground where children are the innocent victims. It is extremely important to keep the children out of the action. They will take the blame on personally for the breakup of the family and will feel that the arguments centre around them and their actions. Try to keep as much of the arguing / discussing away from the kids. Obviously they will sense and know that things are not right. But, they should not be in the centre of the problem.

   
How do I help my children get through my divorce?

New homes

To ease the pain of separation or divorce on children, both parents should ensure that their homes retain enough of the familiar things that the kids recognise as home. The child is looking for comfort in a time of great uncertainty. Give them a familiar environment to feel immediately comfortable in.

   
How do I help my children get through my divorce?

Handling divorce

Divorce is hard for kids to cope with. Let them know that they are not to blame in any way. Allow them their space and time to deal with what has happened and listen to them. They have their view and their right to that view.

   
What should I plan for visitation days?

Spend Time, Not Money

Your children need you - not your money. Spend time with your kids doing the things you would normally do. A day spent doing the body work on an old truck is usually a better idea than a day spent chasing a good time. The good time is fine, but only as a treat. Doing the normal things of life with your children is what they will remember in years to come.

   
How do I fit in taking the kids to school every day?

Getting the Kids to School

Trying to get the kids to school every day when you have to get to work as well can be very inconvenient. How tolerant is your boss because you are late every single day? If the school and work are in opposite directions from home, how much time do you waste in getting them there? Are the kids dropped off earlier and just hanging around until school starts? One solution to all of this is to arrange a network of parents in your neighborhood to take it in turns to take the kids to school. For instance, it could be your turn a couple of times each week to take not only your kids but also a couple more of the neighbors kids with you. With only two neighbors joining you, you can cut down on your morning school run to no more then two mornings a week.

   
How do I shop when I have to look after the kids?

Making Shopping Easier

If you are the sole carer of your children, finding time and opportunities to shop for food may seem impossible. If you take the kids with you, the task can become even more difficult with keeping the kids under control as well as buying groceries. Also, it's hard to make kids understand that you have a limited budget and can't buy everything in the store. Try other alternatives, such as buying over the internet with delivery to your door). Some stores will allow you to order over the telephone and will also deliver to your door.

   
What about weekends when she gets the kids?

Respect Your Child's Mother

Never say anything against your child's mother. If you have nothing nice to say about her, say nothing at all. She is, and always will be, your child's mother. Treat her with respect and decency. Spend the time with your children, not re-living the issues between you and their mother.

   
As a single parent, how do I find support?

Single Dads are Parents, Too

Do you feel alone as a single parent? Do you feel that you have nothing in common with other parents who's partners are still around or still alive? You don't need to take an "us and them" attitude to married fathers and mothers. Most parents have the same goal: to raise their kids as best as they can. If this is your goal too, you have a lot in common with other parents regardless of their marital status. Network with them, get to know them, and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

   
How can I get to see my kids?

Bring a Witness to Visitation

When your children's mother won't allow visitation, you must take careful action. Visitation interference is child abuse: Treat it as such. Take a witness with you as you make attempts to visit your child(ren). The best witness is a paralegal who is not directly involved in your visitation case. The next best witness is a police officer; if possible, an on-duty officer.

   
How can I find out how my son is doing in school?

School Records Access

We all want to know how our children are doing in school. Non-custodial fathers have a special problem in this regard as they are not listed as the child's guardian. In most jurisdictions, you have the right to request all school records. Phone your child's school and ask about this. Once you have the records, talk to your child's teachers. Now, you'll know how your child is doing.

   
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John Valadez