The Importance of a Consistent Schedule

This entry was written on Feb 09, 2010 by our Dad Guru

"I have no consistency..." - Lord Byron

Normally I would agree with Byron, but he never raised his own children. Consistency in sleep patterns, feedings and early childhood learning can only assist your newborn’s development. A consistent schedule will also get mom and dad much needed and wanted sleep. Children learn through consistent repetition. Why do think a baby’s first words are, "ma, ma, ma, ma, ma" or "da, da, da, da, da". The baby is just repeating what he/she hears over and over again.

Children crave consistency.

It's best to get into a routine and stick with it. You'll be able to dictate some things like feedings, playtime and learning but sleep patterns are a battle you might not win. Remember your infant may not be consistent, but you can be. Stay consistent and your new seemingly chaotic life will begin to be routinely happy.

Show Acceptance

Accept children for who they are, not for what they do. Do not look for constant successes or push them into high achievement. Instead, support and encourage them as they search for the life that they desire. If their self-esteem is solid, they will push themselves to achieve and succeed.

The Importance of a Consistent Schedule

This entry was written on Feb 09, 2010 by our Dad Guru John Valadez

"I have no consistency..." - Lord Byron

Normally I would agree with Byron, but he never raised his own children. Consistency in sleep patterns, feedings and early childhood learning can only assist your newborn’s development. A consistent schedule will also get mom and dad much needed and wanted sleep. Children learn through consistent repetition. Why do think a baby’s first words are, "ma, ma, ma, ma, ma" or "da, da, da, da, da". The baby is just repeating what he/she hears over and over again.

Children crave consistency.

It's best to get into a routine and stick with it. You'll be able to dictate some things like feedings, playtime and learning but sleep patterns are a battle you might not win. Remember your infant may not be consistent, but you can be. Stay consistent and your new seemingly chaotic life will begin to be routinely happy.

Don´t be afraid to act

As a Dad we can, at times, find it hard to get involved with our children; our biggest enemy is fear of failure. Unfortunately, not getting involved can be more damaging that having a go. ’Distant’ parents can produce ’distant’ children, who have trouble with social contact and expressing emotions. Give it a go and be prepared to slip and stumble along the way. What would you rather have your child say after you’re gone? "I never knew him, I don’t know what he was like" or, "Sometimes we fought, but we were always close".

Telling Her She's Beautiful

This entry was written on Feb 08, 2010 by our Dad Guru John Valadez

Many moms experience drastic hormone changes and mood changes after giving birth among them are: fatigue, eating disturbances, low self-esteem, sadness, and inadequacy. The importance of a solid support circle is critical to her being a successful mother. Whether its parents or friends assistance is very much needed and appreciated. The more daily tasks that you perform like cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, the more time your wife can attend to the newborn. The time she spends with the baby needs to be stress free and relaxed for their bond to grow and nurture.

Reminding her how beautiful she is and the great job she is doing reassures her feelings.

The best possible person whom this message can come from is you. Don't just tell her, show her as well. Flowers and gift are nice but, assisting around the house and feedings are what really counts. It's also the things she will remember and ultimately cherish you for doing.

Set An Example

If you want your kids to learn effectively, ensure that your actions are consistent with your words. Teach children how to be through your actions. If you don’t "walk your talk," you can’t expect them to either.

Telling Her She's Beautiful

This entry was written on Feb 08, 2010 by our Dad Guru

Many moms experience drastic hormone changes and mood changes after giving birth among them are: fatigue, eating disturbances, low self-esteem, sadness, and inadequacy. The importance of a solid support circle is critical to her being a successful mother. Whether its parents or friends assistance is very much needed and appreciated. The more daily tasks that you perform like cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, the more time your wife can attend to the newborn. The time she spends with the baby needs to be stress free and relaxed for their bond to grow and nurture.

Reminding her how beautiful she is and the great job she is doing reassures her feelings.

The best possible person whom this message can come from is you. Don't just tell her, show her as well. Flowers and gift are nice but, assisting around the house and feedings are what really counts. It's also the things she will remember and ultimately cherish you for doing.

Let Them Talk

Young children love to talk. Let children chatter as much as they like. This chatter is their way of learning and it helps to build their sense of importance in the world. Better still, ask questions. As much as your answers, your questions show interest in the child.

Postpartum Happiness

This entry was written on Feb 05, 2010 by our Dad Guru

I'm not going to mention the other type of "postpartum" simply because it's irrelevant to you. The big part about the other postpartum is hormonal change, which you can't control, and sleep deprivation, which you can't control either, but you can very well assist. Remember we talked about changing your lifestyle in earlier posts? You are now eating healthier, exercising and living for today. This is where all your hard work pays off.

Take as much time off of work as possible, ideally take a month to 3 month work sabbatical.

Don't fall over from shock! I said ideally because if you have the time, are in the financial situation, and really want to bond with the baby and assist mom then this is what it's going to take. Paternity leave is growing in popularity and is the law. The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) states that many employers are required by federal law to allow their employees (both men and women) 12 weeks of unpaid family leave after the birth or adoption of a child. In some states, like California, employers offer paid family leave. Talk to your Human Resources department about this important time in your family’s life.

Plant a Tree!

Plant a tree when your child is born. Plant one for each child. A tree is a symbol of growth, life and future. You can watch your child grow as the tree grows. It might sound weird, but it’s a really nice thing to do.

Dealing with kids when you are tired

Cut the kids a little more slack when you are tired. Because you are tired, your patience and reason are affected. By giving them a little more freedom, you’re probably only conpensating for your less then usual patience and reactions. You’ll find it much easier to cope with them this way.

Play Ball!

Play ball games often with your young kids and start them as young as possible. Any ball games will do, whether it’s catching, hitting or kicking a ball. Not only is it fun to do and is good family time, but it also develops good eye-hand co-ordination for them. Also, you can be setting them up to take on more serious sports as they grow older.

Embarrassing children

It’s important for Dads to laugh with children - not AT them. Deliberately embarrassing children with redicule or criticism can destroy their self esteem, and possibly build a resistance between them and you. This is a balancing act. Everyone should learn how to handle criticism and redicule, but it should be taught to your children in measured, positive doses to educate and build rather than destroy.

Consistent, consistent, consistent!

Consistency is one of the key elements to raising children successfully. Raising children in a positively consistent environment leads to balanced children who value their own self worth. Consistency lets them know who they are and where they stand in the world.

Unconditional love

Learn to love your children unconditionally. Remember that they are individuals who, like you, are developing their own view of the world and want to live in it their way. They don’t want strings attached in their relationship with you. They need your love, support and guidance. If you put expectations on them to be or do something in order to gain your love and approval, you may lose their love and respect.

Who needs to change?

"If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves." C.G. Jung. Jung is right; sometimes, change is required, but the problem is not always where we think it is. Try to be objective in identifying what needs to change and who needs to change.

Accepting differences

If you find difficulty in accepting the actions or desires of your children, ask yourself this: Do I dislike this action / desire because it is wrong, or because it is different to what I would do / think? If it is not really wrong (ethically, morally, legally), let them pursue their individuality. They may love and respect you more for it.

Don´t ´stress-out´

Feeling overwhelmed by all that you need to do as a Dad? Sometimes doing nothing is better then trying to do it all. Giving balance to our lives means quiet times as well as the busy times. Doing things like watching TV, watching the grass grow, etc. can give your mind a chance to rest and allow your thoughts to re-organize themselves; include the kids whenever possible. In reality, quiet time can develop into something very productive.

Make time

Allow enough time in your life to have a real relationship with your children. Remember that song "Cat’s in the cradle"? If you don’t make time for them when they’re young, they will learn to not make time for you later on.

Calming Down

It’s not easy for a parent to hold their temper at times. But, this must be controlled with a child; remember who is the adult and who is the child and set the example. The result of anger is sometimes abuse, so calm down. If you think you might "Lose it," take a five minute breather and walk away; tell the child that you will discuss the problem later. When you return, look at the problem openly, come up with a solution, and both parent and child will be far happier.

The Reverse Psychology Trick

Do you find that your children do exactly what you tell them not to do. This is because, by mentioning something, you have brought their focus directly to that thing. To lead them to not do something, distract them to something that you do want them to focus on.

Leave work at work and home at home

Separate the distractions of work-life and home-life or you will find that you function less effectively in both. IF you find it difficult to switch off work problems, stop up the road for five minutes, or outside a park, and mentally conclude your thoughts of work for the day. Better still, spend the last part of your day at work writing down your current issues and possible solutions; it will be there the next day. You can then deal with the issues at home more refreshed.

Avoid too much alcohol when you´re in charge

If, at any time, you are looking after your kids, avoid drinking alcohol. When an emergency arises and your child needs to be rushed to a doctor or hospital, or just needs your immediate attention, you need to be clear-headed, focused and able to act appropriately. Remember, you have a responsiblity to ensure that your children are well cared for when you are in charge; think what the consequences may be if you couldn’t respond adequately in an emergency.

Be honest

There is an old saying that honesty is the best policy. This is especially true when raising children. If you lie to your children, they’ll know, and you send them the message that it's okay to lie. If you want to maintain respect, both for and from your children, you must avoid lying at all costs. Even "little white lies" should be avoided. There are no degrees of lies: a lie is a lie, no matter how small it is.

Get some friendly help

If, as a Dad, we find it hard to relate to our children, involve a friend or relative that is prepared to support you and help you (as a coach or mentor). They can support you into taking more interest and time with your kids, reward you for effort, and make you accountable for setting some rules and goals for your relationship with your kids. With support, success is much easier to obtain - you don’t need to rely solely on your own discipline and motivation.

Quality time

Quality time on its own is a myth. The quality of your relationship with your child or children is also dependent upon the quantity of time you spend with them. If you don’t give them adequate time, no matter how good the time you give is, how high up your priority list are they going to feel?

Display their gifts

Display your kids gifts to you proudly. Help build their self esteem and sense of ability. Remember they’ve made this for you out of love.

Spoiling kids

Take care in spoiling a child with gifts, especially if given out of guilt; each gift loses its meaning. If you want to lavish a gift on your children, do it on their birthdays, holidays, or special occasions. Try to avoid spoiling at Christmas if the ’message of Christmas’ is important to the family. A Dad’s quality time with children is an important gift to give; spoil with love, not gifts.

Don´t buy it, build it

If your kids want something, you don’t always have to rush out to the shops in order to keep them happy. Try and make what they want. Sometimes. For instance, a request for a cubby house can often be met with some cardboard boxes cut open and taped up. Cut out a window and make an opening door. Your child usually wants just the concept and is not so fussed on the trimmings. Often, making something gives them quickly what they want without the painful wait for them or cost for you.

Encourage kids to need less

Encourage children to "need" less. Children believe that they need so many things beyond the basics of air, water, food, shelter and, of course, love. They see a new toy or an ice cream or the latest game as a need. At that moment, they want it so badly and the image of it is so big that they can’t see their life is good without it. Where do they pick this up from? Check your own language and see if you "need" more often then you think. Also, sometimes children simply require time or another distraction to remove the need from an item.

Help prevent viruses in the home

It seems every time you turn on the television there is another outbreak of Swine flu in the United States. Give yourself some piece of mind and keep the kids as germ free as possible. Before they eat wash their hands. More important than washing hands regularly is the amount of time we should be washing. Children should wash their hands for approximately twenty seconds; try having them sing twinkle, twinkle, little star. Carry with you or keep in the car some hand sanitizer. Manufacturers make sanitizers small enough to keep in your pocket. When I take the kids grocery shopping, before putting them in the cart, I wipe it down with wipes. Grocery carts are filthy. When going to shopping malls hold you child’s hand in lieu of having them grab onto the escalator handrails.

A best practice with children is to carry hand sanitizer or wipes - kids love to touch. After all, this an entirely new world for them and all of their senses are going wild. Just remember to wash their hands regularly for at least twenty seconds and carry some type of hand sanitizer. Your kids will thank you.

Crying toddlers and children

If you have trouble getting your toddler or young child to go to sleep of a night, try this method: Gently but sternly (no yelling) settle them down; spend only a couple of minutes doing this. Then, quietly and without fuss, leave the room telling your child that you will be back in a few minutes. Wait 2 minutes and return, repeating the same settling and leaving routine. Wait 4 minutes and repeat. Keep doubling the wait time. You may find this doesn’t work for a night or two, but soon the child will respond and settle more quickly; they’ll enjoy Dad’s ’tuck-in’.

Live in the moment

Kids live in the immediate moment, young children especially. They can go from crying to laughing in a second. They don’t carry moods around for hours on end like adults. Consequently, they don’t have "bad days", "long weeks" or "sad times". Isn’t there an advantage in taking a leaf from their book and sometimes living in the immediate moment?

Fast food at home

Dads, try this recipe to fix with your children. A package of ground beef, a can of tomato soup, a can of corn, a big squirt of pancake syrup and a big squirt of mustard: Viola! Instant food. Fry the beef until browned, drain off grease; add the soup and corn; squirt in syrup and mustard; stir well; serve on toast or bun. Total time is less than five minutes. Nutrition is good, not great, but lots of fun!